Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
