I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
