im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
