after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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