She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
