I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
