that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
