I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
is that a dick in a sweater?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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