Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
