he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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