I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
