There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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