the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
