Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My liver just had a heart attack.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
