high people should be assigned attendants
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
