i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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