she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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