sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
