I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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