She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
