I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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