I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize