dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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