I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
