i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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