found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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