TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
