a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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