I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
