Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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