So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
