Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
