is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
