when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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