When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
