i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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