I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
