he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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