Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
