If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
