So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
