ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
