first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
