Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
