If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want to fling myself into the sun
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
