Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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