the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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