I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
