you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
