I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
