well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
