Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
