its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I love you. Go after that dick
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
