I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
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