It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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