1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
