I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
