i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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