Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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