It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
