Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
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I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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