Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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