Michael Bay diarrhea
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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