Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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