I could make wine with my vomit
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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