Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
A+ Viking dick
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
